Player Notes: Poker's tanking problem

I’m talking to you, buddy. …Hang on, I’m thinking about it.

Really? For this long? It’s a complicated one, I need some time.

That’s it, I’m calling the clock on you. Okay, okay, so this week we’re talking about ‘tanking’, when a player takes an excessive amount of time to make a decision at the poker table.

How long is ‘excessive’? Well, that’s the thing, isn’t it? We’ve all faced tough decisions, sometimes you need some time to really think things through.

Like, how much time? Well, once at the WSOP Main Event final table a player tanked for 19 minutes.

Wow, I’ve had relationships that were shorter than that. Who was it? Let’s not name names. Needless to say, when you can watch a whole episode of a TV show in the time it takes someone with bottom pair to fold, it doesn’t do much for poker as a spectator sport.

It can’t be much fun to play against them, either. That’s certainly true, which is why some consider tanking to be a form of angle-shooting — a way to gain an advantage through unscrupulous, though not technically illegal, methods.

What advantage? They’re hoping their opponents die of old age? Anything that can get under someone’s skin can be an advantage, and tanking certainly does that. If your opponent’s on tilt, that’s good for you. The trouble is, it can make everyone else at the table hate you, as well as those watching the coverage, on social media, and everywhere else.

So they’ll all go on tilt? Sounds like a good plan. See, this is why people never want to play poker with you.

What can be done about it? Players have the option to 'call the clock', meaning a tournament official will come to the table and start a timer to give the tanking player a limited amount of time to act before their hand is declared dead.

That sounds kind of convoluted. It kind of is, and going through the whole process on every hand is offputting for everyone. Less experienced players may also not feel confident about calling the clock on established pros.

Wait, pros do this? Some of them, sure. There’s no hard data to support the theory, but many feel it’s much more of a problem among European players. It’s already been an issue at the WSOP, where action on some tables has slowed to a crawl.

There must be an easier way to fix this. One solution that’s in place in some tournaments is a ‘shot clock’ — an automatic timer that gives players a set amount of time for every decision. Everyone also gets some ‘time bank’ cards they can use in truly tough spots.

You mean like a basketball shot clock? Exactly that, although there they use time outs instead of time cards. The NBA introduced shot clocks in 1954 to combat — you guessed it — stalling tactics.

Can’t we do that everywhere? I have a timer on my phone we can use. Not everywhere has the technology in place at every table; any shot clock would need to be managed by the dealer and visible to all players.

So…a tablet? Erm, yeah, that’d work. But do we really want technology like this to encroach on our centuries-old game of cards, chips and good old-fashioned nous?

I have an app on my phone that can determine GTO strategies for any poker scenario I can think of. That’s a good point. Where’s the nearest Apple Store? I need to pick up 250 iPads.

Do say: ‘Check’, ‘bet’, ‘call’, ‘raise’ or ‘fold’, ideally before everyone else at the table falls asleep.

Don’t say: Nothing for 10 minutes, then look at your cards, then stare at the ceiling for another 10 minutes before folding 9-4 offsuit.