This article is part two in an ongoing series on mental health in poker, following last week’s ‘Shining a light on poker’s mental health crisis.’
Stephen Chidwick recently ended a self-imposed silence on social media, opening up on X about the mental health battles he’s faced while rising to poker’s highest peaks — collecting prestigious titles and six-figure scores along the way.
“I’ve kept a low profile for most of my life,” confessed Chidwick. “I’ve built my career with a quiet determination and focus on the things I could control — my preparation, my decisions, my consistency.”
Chidwick’s post offered a rare glimpse into the mind of one of poker’s most decorated and revered players and, at the same time, one of its most misunderstood.
Like most people, Chidwick was searching for what we all desire most: validation and acceptance, but found it hard to come by, until he ‘started doing deeper inner work — peeling back the layers of his belief structure and examining what was uncovered.’
"When someone threw out an offhanded criticism — ‘boring,’ ‘robotic,’ ‘no personality’ — I took it to heart,” Chidwick posted.
"Despite everything I had accomplished, I was no less fragile. How much longer can I keep tricking people into thinking I’m so good when I know how big my mistakes can be? And none of that even touched the root of what I was actually seeking underneath it all — to be accepted.”
PokerOrg spoke to Chidwick about the poker community’s response to his candid post and what drove him to eventually open up.
'I was very touched by the response of the community'
What inspired you to go public with your journey?
I’ve had a number of powerful and fulfilling personal experiences in the last couple of years where I was able to help relieve the suffering of people in part by sharing my stories with them. I had also been talking a lot about these topics with a number of friends and realizing just how pervasive mental health struggles are.
The poker world in particular is one with so many smart, interesting, colorful characters but poses so many challenges when it comes to being a well balanced and happy person.
I have had the sense for a long time that I want to use whatever success I attain in poker to have a positive influence on people around me and it felt like the time to start to lean into that more and the X post I wrote felt like a good step down that path.
How did you feel about the overwhelmingly positive feedback from your recent post regarding your healing journey?
I was very touched by the response of the community both publicly and privately since posting the message, I didn’t expect it to be quite so overwhelmingly positive.
In becoming more open with people in my personal life I had come to the realization that these kinds of struggles are almost universally felt at some time or another but mostly responded to as something to hide or be ashamed of. I’m glad I was able to articulate it in a way that resonated with people.
You opened up a chance for players to do an AMA (ask me anything) as a follow up to your post. Did any single reaction stand out to you?
The ones coming from people directly relating to what I said and being open about their own struggles/seeking advice stood out.
Being honest and vulnerable in a public way isn't easy when you’re in a good mindset, let alone when you are not, so seeing certain people share what they were going through with someone they have never met was impressive.
You shared in your post that there was an inner voice nudging you to share your experience and ongoing journey. Can you elaborate a bit on that?
It’s a very difficult topic for me to put into words that appear to make any sense at all. It feels like that part of me is in some sense ‘not me’ in the way I have traditionally thought of myself, but in another sense, perhaps the deepest and most fundamental part of who I am.
I suspect the voice has always been there but that it used to permanently be (and still often is) drowned out by persistent ‘mental chatter’. I can’t say for sure, but I assume that meditation, breathwork practices, and an interest in philosophy, psychology and various spiritual frameworks all played a part in my receptivity to it.
Has that inner voice moved toward a more prominent, guiding presence in your life at this point?
As for paying more attention to it, I think it has mostly been a gradual process of identifying and questioning my ingrained thought patterns and an opening to new ways of thinking combined with the occasional powerful experience to motivate me to continue down that path of exploration. In the times where I feel able to hear that voice most clearly it seems like everything seems to go better when I listen to it.
Ask the Org: What mental health conversations should the poker community be having?
Poker community responds with overwhelming support
In addition to including some poignant quotes from Chidwick’s X post, our first feature also included a glimpse into the mental health journeys of tournament professionals Brad Ruben (5x WSOP bracelet winner) and Rayan 'Beriuzy' Chamas. Stephen’s X post drew widespread attention across the poker community, with many players sharing their experiences with PokerOrg.
Sara O’Connor (@SaraSmartist on X), author of A New Queen’s Guide to Poker and a dedicated recreational player, offered her reaction to Chidwick’s post, while also weaving in her thoughts on Chamas and Ruben.
“As someone with bipolar disorder, I have experienced the highest of highs (mania) and the lowest of lows (depression),” shared O’Connor. “I cannot tell you how much reading this wonderful series means to me. Reading about people's experiences, from Stephen Chidwick, Rayan Chamas, and Brad Ruben, can truly save lives and relationships. It should empower people to feel more comfortable and confident seeking help and treatment.”
Many other players responded to Chidwick's post, including Andrew Lichtenberger and Phil Galfond.
Rayan Chamas admires Chidwick’s courage
Tournament grinder Rayan Chamas wrote a vulnerable thread on X two years ago, sharing the story of his friend Horveech, an elite cash game player who died by suicide in 2017.
PokerOrg reached out to Chamas for his reaction to what Chidwick, poker’s number two all-time money winner, had bravely shared on X.
“I have followed Stephen's path to success for years now,” said Chamas. “It's not a surprise that he can critically analyze his feelings since he has always done the same at an elite level in poker.
“However, I really did not expect him to be public about his struggles like he recently shared. I believe it is one thing to deal with these types of problems, but it is a whole other thing to courageously say it out in the open.
“I truly admire Stephen for speaking about this on X because these conversations should be talked about more often. I have often spoken about this topic openly without the fear of being labeled weak or whatever you can think of. I believe the importance of mental health in poker is constantly ignored in our community.
“Too many people are quietly suffering while they look for someone to guide them. I hope Stephen and others start discussing these more openly in the future so that we can help others in our community deal with the unique troubles that poker presents."
Chidwick: ‘This message is for anyone who feels trapped in the darkness’
Poker often glorifies the lone wolf, thriving in the dog-eat-dog grind of the game. Yet just as often, the community shows its other side, which is diverse, compassionate, and willing to come together, listen, and lift each other up.
Stephen Chidwick’s willingness to open up is proof that the game and a poker life doesn't have to be lived in silence.
“And so here I am — the kid inside the robot costume,” wrote Chidwick. “Just another human being in pursuit of love, of connection, of belonging. Tired of running from my shadow and ready to stop and turn around (I hope).
"This message is for anyone who feels trapped in the darkness. I’ve lived through times that felt unbearable — where the idea of peace, or connection, or even a quiet mind felt impossibly far away. If you’re in that place right now, I want you to know: it can get better. You’re not broken. You’re not beyond help. Keep going.”
As our series on mental health in poker continues, we’ll look more closely at how players deal with misfires during their struggles to remain mentally and emotionally healthy, and the practices and stories of resilience that players are cultivating.
If you’re struggling with mental health issues, help is available. FindAHelpline.com can connect you with professional support services in almost any country in the world, while the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available within the USA by dialing 988 anytime.
