This article is part of our ongoing series on mental health in the poker world. Previous articles include ‘Shining a light on poker’s mental health crisis’ an exclusive interview with Stephen Chidwick, and ‘Crashing, coping, and surviving poker’s mental grind’.
The following content can be distressing for some people as it mentions suicide. If this affects you, contact one of the support services mentioned at the foot of this page.
Poker is a game embraced worldwide and beloved for its rare and exciting blend of skill, luck, and discipline. Unlike pure games of chance, poker balances probability with decision-making and a wide range of skills as each hand presents a new puzzle to solve and a new opponent to battle.
The best players in the world study relentlessly, pushing far beyond the fundamentals in pursuit of true mastery. Poker is one of the few gambling games where true dedication can pay long-term dividends, even as the perpetual nose-to-the-grind places grueling demands on a player’s overall mental and emotional well-being.
When a player’s unhealthy coping habits to deal with the intense slog of the game crack, the swings, solitude, and pressure may exacerbate existing personal issues and possibly fuel a dark descent into depression, extreme anxiety, insomnia, and persistent negative or suicidal thoughts. To that end, players may even lose interest in their day-to-day life.
As part of our series on mental health in poker, we examine the struggles players rarely voice and the arduous journey toward awareness, healing, and hope. We also explore how to recognize and support those facing extreme anxiety and/or suicidal thoughts.
Breaking the silence
Jared Tendler, MS, LMHC, is a leading expert in how a person’s mental game impacts performance. He is the best-selling author of The Mental Game of Poker 1 & 2, and The Mental Game of Trading.
We asked Tendler for guidance concerning one of the most challenging questions in the game: What should players and the community do when negative or suicidal thoughts begin to erode an otherwise healthy mindset?
“I certainly work with players who get in a dark place, but if it ever becomes more severe, more personal than poker related, or includes suicidal thoughts, I immediately refer them to a therapist who specializes in depression and suicide.
“If players are struggling with a lot of poker specific negative thoughts, I have a pretty simple approach: I get them talking and ask them follow-up questions to really understand what they’re experiencing.
“From there, we can start to break down and correct the flawed or biased perspectives that are keeping them trapped. It may sound simple on paper, but players often have a hard time allowing themselves to be honest and open.”
Spotting the warning signs
Catherine Jaffe, APRN, a board-certified medical professional, shares a few of the telltale signs of suicidal tendencies that individuals can recognize both within themselves or others.
“Loneliness, shame, and isolation are factors to be aware of,” says Jaffe. “A sign of a deep depression can be when someone has a change in their usual level of social activity. Also, if they are experiencing a lot of negative, dark thoughts, and are talking about death. If they are feeling hopeless because they've got an ongoing illness like depression, addiction, or some other serious problems, perhaps with their finances, relationships, and work issues.
“Folks are more at risk to commit suicide if they have attempted it in the past, if somebody close to them has committed suicide, if they have the means to accomplish it, or if they have a plan and feel desperate and hopeless. In addition, men are four times as likely to commit suicide as women.
“If you notice some of these issues with a friend, you might ask them to consider coming to the emergency room with you. You can sit with them while they get evaluated. Unfortunately, you can't force someone to receive treatment if they are unwilling. However, if they have a therapist or a psychiatrist, it makes it less challenging.
“Suicide is not the solution. I believe what we have to do is get the word out that depression and anxiety are quite treatable. There is no need for anyone to suffer in silence.”
The suicide prevention resources at the foot of this article offer support not only for those suffering from depression, but also offer support for individuals concerned about others.
‘Have a plan in place for when you get bad’
John Grace, M.D., is a board-certified psychiatrist with 20 years of clinical experience. He has a particular interest in the healing potential of poker as it’s the closest approximation in a controlled environment to facing some of the more challenging aspects of life: dealing with randomness, the importance of good decisions, handling intimidation, and emotional regulation.
“People often count on rationality to stop them from being destructive,” says Dr. Grace. “Yet rational discourse may NOT be the most helpful intervention.
“We try to make staying safe simple. Complex reasoning isn’t always possible when people are at their worst. We say, ‘Have a plan in place for when you get bad. A plan you don’t have to think about.’ Because when you get bad, you won’t be able to think that clearly.
“That’s what a safety plan is: ‘What are your warning signs? Who do you call? What do I do? Where do I go?’ Have a plan so that you don’t have to figure out how to stay safe when you’re really struggling.
“Poker players should think of their minds and emotional systems as high-performance engines,” shared Dr. Grace. “They require a lot of ongoing maintenance, attention, and support. Don’t count on that big brain to save you. Nurture it. Support it. And expect it to go off the rails from time to time and have a plan in place to get it back.”
For more info on how to formulate a safety plan, download the templates: here and here.
The path ahead of us
Poker is a great game. The community is filled with people from every walk of life: from the recreationals and weekend warriors, to the grinders and elite high rollers. Every person matters. Every person counts.
If the strain and grind of the game is weighing heavily on you, silence and isolation are not the only solutions. There’s always hope.
When overwhelming struggles arise, reach out to someone you trust or to a qualified mental health professional because support, treatment, and recovery are always possible.
The game of poker is built on the foundation of human connection, from sharing the nirvana of a world championship title to enduring the hell of a brutal river card, all while embracing the challenges together.
Poker players can also be among the most perceptive and intuitive people in the world; recognizing how other people are truly feeling inside can be an integral part of a live player’s toolbox. If you’re sensing a friend is in pain, do what you can to help them.
And remember, the person across the table may be carrying quiet burdens you’ll never see. Sharing a funny story, a small gesture of respect, or simply listening can turn an ordinary moment into something that can make an extraordinary difference.
Above all, be kind. We are all here because, in one way or another, the game brings us joy. ‘That’s poker.’
In memoriam: Players we’ve lost
Let’s take a moment to remember a few of the players that the community has lost over the years, among others we may be unaware of:
- Chad Batista (1981-2015)
- Andy Glazer (1955-2004)
- Brandi Hawbaker (1982-2009)
- ‘Horveech’ (1992-2018)
- Jason Kapoor (1995-2024)
- Matt Marafioti (1988-2021)
- Krunal Mehta (1980-2019)
- Matt Roth (1986-2013)
As PokerOrg’s Mental Health Series continues, we’ll turn to the pros and hardcore recs for insight on staying mentally strong at the tables and sustaining balance for long-term mental health and well-being in poker and in life.
NOTE: PokerOrg’s Lee Jones wrote an extensive feature a year ago with the intention to bring more awareness to the serious issue of suicide in the poker community:
Lee Jones also noted that Chad Holloway at PokerNews has written an excellent article about suicide.
If you’re struggling with mental health issues, help is available. Your primary care physician should be able to refer you to a psychiatrist, a nurse practitioner, or a therapist.
FindAHelpline.com can connect you with professional support services in almost any country in the world, while the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available within the USA by dialing 988 anytime.
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, you can find resources for suicide prevention.
